This piece is dedicated to Studs Terkel.
I first met Ron a few years ago at my convenience store gig. He worked the night shift at the cabinet factory across the street and would stop in with his carpooling buddies to buy coffee, smokes and lottery tickets. Every day, Ron would stop in for this afternoon ritual, always buying “Minnesota Hold-Em” scratch offs. I didn’t know if he ever won more than he lost but he seemed to enjoy the game. Ron is a small, skinny fellow, about five feet tall and alternates between a scruffy gray beard and clean-shaven. That’s all I really knew about Ron, despite having served him at the store for almost two years. I didn’t think much of it as I assumed we would have little in common anyway. I just sold him a large cup of coffee, a pack of Pall Malls and scratch offs. I don’t think Ron ever bought anything other than those three items which he bought every day, five days a week. He must really like stability.
One Sunday afternoon, I took my family to eat at a Chinese restaurant in Monticello, which has the distinction of being the only place in Wright County where you can order fresh sushi (yes, I know sushi is Japanese food – my last name’s Koeppe, not Palin). As I was gathering a plateful of salmon and tuna wrapped in a sesame seed rice patty with a big side of wasabi, I bumped into Ron. He greeted me with the “hey” of an old friend and pointed to the table where my family was seated. “That your family? You’ve got a nice family there.” Ron motioned to a table two down from ours where a young man was seated. “That’s my boy – he’s a BIG boy,” he laughed. Ron’s son was definitely bigger than he was, about three times as big. I could tell how proud he was of his son. After I finished my sushi-fest and the kids were getting antsy as toddlers tend to, we put on our coats and began to leave, I walked over to Ron’s table.
“Nice to see ya,” I said.
“You, too. Take care,” smiled Ron.
“See you in a couple days.”
Ron and I talked quite a bit after that encounter. He’d come into the store, fill up his 20-ounce coffee and give me grief regarding its freshness. He always made a point to ask me how my family was and tell me what a nice family I had. I started to get more engaged in his lotto picks and guessed he usually won a little more than he lost. We’d have two minute conversations about life’s boredoms and annoyances. One afternoon, I confessed to being a little tired (probably from writing or the kids) and Ron laughed.
“How much sleep do you get?”
“I try to get six hours,” I replied.
“I get home about one o’clock, sleep at two and I’m up again at five.”
“Why?”
“So I can see my boy.”
Ron explained that his work hours prevented him from seeing his son most of the week. He would leave for the night shift before his son would be home from school and his son would be sleeping when he returned from work. Like many individuals, Ron found it hard to fall back asleep after waking up. He survived on three hours of sleep, five days a week, so he could see his son every day. It’s little wonder he would complain about the freshness of coffee given how much of it he probably consumed. Ron’s sacrifice of sleep is one many parents give when they can’t see their kids. The thought of missing them grow up is far worse than missing sleep.
Ron’s story made me think of my mom, who for many years, worked either the midnight or graveyard shift at her factory job. I guess I took for granted that she would be there to wake me up in the morning, give me a good breakfast and ask me how life was going. Mom probably didn’t fall back asleep after I went to school. Our house was always spotless, laundry washed and beds made. Many times, she would make supper for my Dad and me before she left for work, putting the meal in the refrigerator in separate Tupperware containers for the both of us. As a kid, it never occurred to me the time and effort entailed on a daily basis to make her family happy.
The 2008 recession hit the construction industry particularly hard. The cabinet factory was forced to lay off the majority of the night shift, giving the employees about a days notice that their services were no longer needed. It was difficult to come to work for my first day after the carnage. I kept thinking about Ron and his carpooling buddies, wondering if they made the cut. I started to watch the clock, ticking closer to 3PM, a half hour before the night shift starts. Nobody. 3:10, still no-one through the door. About 3:20, I knew Ron had been laid off. It was a sad, lonely half hour, one experienced by too many this past year. I started to realize how much I would miss Ron, a person I didn’t know or care much about until he chose to care about me.
Maybe it’s time we take a closer look at all the people who surround our lives every day and get to know them. Even if you don’t have anything in common with them, their hearts might surprise you. Make a connection with them – keep it if you can. Ron may not be a plumber, “Joe Six-Pack” or a convenient sound bite, but he is real to me and an epitome of why we should create connections with each other every chance we get.
I hope Ron uses this unfortunate situation to hang out with his son that he loves and not dwell on his lack of employment. There’s no point in being mad about a lost job. What’s the use in being angry about something if you can’t change the outcome? Even though change is hard to stomach, losing a job is miniscule to losing family or friends. There’s no point getting wrapped up in situations out of your control. If the media is too much of a downer, ignore it, watch “Sponge Bob” and laugh at the realization Patrick Starfish would have done better supervising Wall Street.
My Mom was laid off several times when I was young. Even if we didn’t have a lot of money, it was great to spend time with her. Possessions are replaceable, time is not. Hopefully, many people who are starting the year unemployed will use this time to do things they always wanted to do. Be it sleep, fish, cook a good meal for your family or catch up on TV, do something that makes you happy. I’d like to think Ron is using his time enjoying his family, making the occasional trip to the local store for cigarettes and “Minnesota Hold-‘Em”, winning a little more than he loses, which is all any of us can hope for when the chips are down.
Showing posts with label Bailout. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bailout. Show all posts
Monday, January 5, 2009
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
All I Want For Christmas Is...(Part Two)
With the economy riding on a rollercoaster designed by Crazy Harry, it’s hard to celebrate Christmas if there is little to give besides peace on earth and goodwill to men. Santa’s riding his sleigh filled with eight tiny bailouts, but no concrete relief for those waiting by the chimney. But fear not, true believers! I’ve got the perfect gift – one that keeps on giving. It’s that time of year again! Time for the fourth annual Adam Koeppe Christmas music compilation! Known by many as the “Tick” CD’s, it’s a mix of all the songs that I’ve liked throughout the year. I’ve downsized to one disc this year as I just didn’t have the time to listen to as much as I’d like (see kids, life). I hope quality makes up for quantity. I guess that’s for the listener to judge. Available for pick-up this Saturday at “Friend Christmas” in Waverly, Minnesota, I hope everyone enjoys the tunes. I’ve decided to provide liner notes this year and links to the songs if they are available. Most of the links are videos, please give them a look. If you are not attending “Friend Christmas” and would like a copy, let me know. I’ll gladly send you one. I can’t accept any money or I will surely violate the ancient “fair use” laws, which are violated every second on You Tube. That said, I’ll gladly give you a piece of my 2008 musical muse.
“To the Taxmobile” by Lenlow. A phenomenal mash-up sent to me by Ucis. Combining the old “Batman” theme, “Taxman” by the Beatles and “Wipeout” by the Surfaris, “Taxmobile” succeeds in celebrating all three songs without diluting any of their punch. A true underground classic, the best song I’ve heard all year and a great intro track.
“Hop a Plane” by Tegan and Sara. By far the best song off their CD “The Con”, “Hop a Plane” is one of those two-minute pop songs that just sticks in your brain and makes you push repeat over and over. Also proof uber-production is overrated. Simplistic, complex and melodic; the happiest and saddest song of the year. “All I want to hear is that you’re not mine.”
“Lie Down Here and Be My Girl” – Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. From the album “Dig! Lazarus! Dig!,” Cave delivers his best song in years and one of the few that is upbeat in tempo. Cave’s lyrics and voice still exude menace, showing he has no intent on slowing down after almost thirty years of making music. Is it really that long? Geez, I’m old!
“Reflections” – The Chambers Brothers. Considered a “one-hit wonder” with the song “Time Has Come Today”, this 1974 release from the album “Unbonded” is a cover of the Supremes classic. Amazing, soulful vocals make this cover an undiscovered classic. An album truly worth seeking out and an artist that needs more credit.
“Everybody Wants to Rule the World” – Patti Smith. From the album “12.” A cover of the 80’s Tears For Fears classic, Smith removes the synthesizers and uses a traditional five-piece band. Emphasizing lyrics over style, Smith strips the song bare with her rendition yet still maintains the melody of the original. Atmospheric and prophetic, “Everybody” is a song waiting to be recognized as a 20th Century standard. “I can’t stand this indecision, buried with a lack of vision.” ‘Nuff said.
“Swinging on a Star” – The Four Freshmen. Combining the harmonies of the Freshmen with a cartoon voice I can’t place, the song takes me back to the soda fountain days of the forties and fifties. Who doesn’t want to “carry moonbeams home in a jar?” Grab your date and dance!
“Lullaby for the Taken” – Kimya Dawson. Dawson’s poetic lyrics are humorous and sad. Gaining interest from the use of her songs in the film, “Juno”, all of her albums are great and worth owning. Another great case against uber-production. Sometimes all you need is a four track and inspiration. “Always remember I love you.” Timeless, yet heartfelt.
“Give Him a Great Big Kiss” – The Shangri-Las. “When I say I’m in love you best believe I’m in love-LUV.” One of the best opening lines – period. On a par with the classic “Leader of the Pack” and produced by the late Shadow Morton, this upbeat ditty uses the similar “call and response” motif in “Leader of the Pack”. Sexy before sexy was common, this song was covered by the New York Dolls in the 1970’s. Please check out the video link - it rocks!
“Classic Cars” – Bright Eyes. Conor Oberst may have his critics (my wife included) but his cult following is vindicated in a song that could stand alongside anything in Bruce Springsteen’s or Tom Petty’s canon. A great ballad in an era with few, it reeks of a black and white film sequence filled with angst and lost love. “The best county singers die in the back of classic cars.”
“48 Crash” – Suzi Quatro. Why isn’t the queen of Glam mentioned in the company of Patti Smith, Joan Jett and Liz Phair? An undiscovered play on the bar jukebox and one of the first real jolts of “girl power.” Your record collection needs Suzi Quatro. However, if this song is covered by Pink, I will vomit instantaneously.
“Hazy Shade of Winter” – The Bangles. Speaking of “girl power”, how about topping Paul Simon? The Simon and Garfunkel original never sounded right. They just never were able to quite rock, not even with “Mrs. Robinson.” The Bangles captured the immediacy of Simon’s lyrics while giving the melody the punch it needed. Sadly, The Bangles never attempted anything as ambitious again. The song is from the out of print soundtrack for “Less Than Zero”, which starred Robert Downey Jr. as an out of control drug addict. Sometimes, things come full circle. Downey is one of the biggest stars on the planet and we are definitely in a “Hazy Shade of Winter.”
“Losing Streak” – The Eels. Ironically, a song I like for its production. I’m a sucker for a piano lick, especially a happy one juxtaposed with the title. I love songs discovered by accident. They put a bounce in your day, like a ten-dollar bill showing up in your jeans. It makes your day brighter.
“People Who Died” – Jim Carroll. The poet turned punk singer whose story was chronicled in “The Basketball Diaries,” only this song and “Catholic Boy” live up to his myth. As he lists of names of his dead friends, it’s hard not to rock along with his eulogy, an incredible feat in itself. “Eddie, I miss you more than all the others. This song is for you, my brother!”
"Angelitos Negros" – Cat Power. God, Chan Marshall is talented! Another song sure to be used in a soundtrack somewhere. Full disclosure: I have no idea what this song is about as it’s sung in Spanish and I never paid attention in class. But that’s the beauty of music. You are allowed to feel, to imagine your own setting. Her voice is evocative and alluding, the music seductive. Is it a dream, or a nightmare? Like all music, it depends on the time and place you hear it.
“Dueces Wild” – Link Wray. One of the original guitar legends, Wray is an underrated master. I’d like to see the kids “Guitar Hero” to this one! Talent, pure talent.
“Another Girl, Another Planet” – The Only Ones. Predating New Wave by a few years, it’s another triumph of minimal production with maximum melody. It could be stated the punk/new wave revolution brought England out of its decade-long recession. Kids purchased music in droves during this period. Despite its reputation for nihilism, punk/new wave inspired a generation to believe they could make it. “I think I’m on another world with you.” Warren Buffett, are you taking notes?
“All I Want is You” – Barry Louis Polisar. The song which opens the film “Juno.” Folk music never gets old, especially when it’s new. Raw and immediate, innocent love is best when laid bare. This song accomplishes this without any hint of pretension. Let’s get around the campfire and sing! If you were the winter, I’d know I’d be the snow.” If you were a kiss, I know I’d be a hug.” “Hold me in your arms and swing me like the sea.” Priceless beauty, folk analogies.
“Those Were the Days” – Mary Hopkin. Produced by Paul McCartney and one of the few fruits from the Beatles’ “Apple” label, the song is more relevant now than ever. Times may be tough, but let us sing, dance and remember the good times. The song is a call to come together again. Drink, laugh and enjoy. “We’d sing and dance forever and a day. We’d live the life we choose. We’d fight and never lose.” Words to grow on.
“Something In The Air” – Thunderclap Newman. Produced by Pete Townshend in 1969 and a forgotten “one hit wonder,” it’s another song about hope during an uncertain future. There’s something about this song that just makes me want to play it again. "The revolution's here - and you know it's right."
“Kansas City Stomps” - Jelly Roll Morton. From “R. Crumb’s Heroes of Blues, Jazz and Country.” I like closing with an oldie. I just dig old jazz and ragtime. If we can’t afford to dance in the bar, let’s swing in the barn!
If you can’t afford to give much this year, give the gift of music. It’s what I grew up on, riding a rocking horse listening to my Mom’s 45’s. Part of me is still there, dropping the big turntable arm and enjoying the ride. Music captures your imagination and emotions like no other medium. A CD-R costs ten cents. Feelings are priceless. Maybe dear old Santa will find room in his sleigh for just a little musical good cheer and the 2008 “Tick” CD will find its way under your tree on Christmas morning. Music is a window to the soul. It's been a privilege over the last four years to share songs that move me. I hope you enjoy it.
Santa, can you hear me?
Can you feel me near you?
Santa, can you feel me?
Can I help to cheer you?
Santa?
Santa?
“To the Taxmobile” by Lenlow. A phenomenal mash-up sent to me by Ucis. Combining the old “Batman” theme, “Taxman” by the Beatles and “Wipeout” by the Surfaris, “Taxmobile” succeeds in celebrating all three songs without diluting any of their punch. A true underground classic, the best song I’ve heard all year and a great intro track.
“Hop a Plane” by Tegan and Sara. By far the best song off their CD “The Con”, “Hop a Plane” is one of those two-minute pop songs that just sticks in your brain and makes you push repeat over and over. Also proof uber-production is overrated. Simplistic, complex and melodic; the happiest and saddest song of the year. “All I want to hear is that you’re not mine.”
“Lie Down Here and Be My Girl” – Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. From the album “Dig! Lazarus! Dig!,” Cave delivers his best song in years and one of the few that is upbeat in tempo. Cave’s lyrics and voice still exude menace, showing he has no intent on slowing down after almost thirty years of making music. Is it really that long? Geez, I’m old!
“Reflections” – The Chambers Brothers. Considered a “one-hit wonder” with the song “Time Has Come Today”, this 1974 release from the album “Unbonded” is a cover of the Supremes classic. Amazing, soulful vocals make this cover an undiscovered classic. An album truly worth seeking out and an artist that needs more credit.
“Everybody Wants to Rule the World” – Patti Smith. From the album “12.” A cover of the 80’s Tears For Fears classic, Smith removes the synthesizers and uses a traditional five-piece band. Emphasizing lyrics over style, Smith strips the song bare with her rendition yet still maintains the melody of the original. Atmospheric and prophetic, “Everybody” is a song waiting to be recognized as a 20th Century standard. “I can’t stand this indecision, buried with a lack of vision.” ‘Nuff said.
“Swinging on a Star” – The Four Freshmen. Combining the harmonies of the Freshmen with a cartoon voice I can’t place, the song takes me back to the soda fountain days of the forties and fifties. Who doesn’t want to “carry moonbeams home in a jar?” Grab your date and dance!
“Lullaby for the Taken” – Kimya Dawson. Dawson’s poetic lyrics are humorous and sad. Gaining interest from the use of her songs in the film, “Juno”, all of her albums are great and worth owning. Another great case against uber-production. Sometimes all you need is a four track and inspiration. “Always remember I love you.” Timeless, yet heartfelt.
“Give Him a Great Big Kiss” – The Shangri-Las. “When I say I’m in love you best believe I’m in love-LUV.” One of the best opening lines – period. On a par with the classic “Leader of the Pack” and produced by the late Shadow Morton, this upbeat ditty uses the similar “call and response” motif in “Leader of the Pack”. Sexy before sexy was common, this song was covered by the New York Dolls in the 1970’s. Please check out the video link - it rocks!
“Classic Cars” – Bright Eyes. Conor Oberst may have his critics (my wife included) but his cult following is vindicated in a song that could stand alongside anything in Bruce Springsteen’s or Tom Petty’s canon. A great ballad in an era with few, it reeks of a black and white film sequence filled with angst and lost love. “The best county singers die in the back of classic cars.”
“48 Crash” – Suzi Quatro. Why isn’t the queen of Glam mentioned in the company of Patti Smith, Joan Jett and Liz Phair? An undiscovered play on the bar jukebox and one of the first real jolts of “girl power.” Your record collection needs Suzi Quatro. However, if this song is covered by Pink, I will vomit instantaneously.
“Hazy Shade of Winter” – The Bangles. Speaking of “girl power”, how about topping Paul Simon? The Simon and Garfunkel original never sounded right. They just never were able to quite rock, not even with “Mrs. Robinson.” The Bangles captured the immediacy of Simon’s lyrics while giving the melody the punch it needed. Sadly, The Bangles never attempted anything as ambitious again. The song is from the out of print soundtrack for “Less Than Zero”, which starred Robert Downey Jr. as an out of control drug addict. Sometimes, things come full circle. Downey is one of the biggest stars on the planet and we are definitely in a “Hazy Shade of Winter.”
“Losing Streak” – The Eels. Ironically, a song I like for its production. I’m a sucker for a piano lick, especially a happy one juxtaposed with the title. I love songs discovered by accident. They put a bounce in your day, like a ten-dollar bill showing up in your jeans. It makes your day brighter.
“People Who Died” – Jim Carroll. The poet turned punk singer whose story was chronicled in “The Basketball Diaries,” only this song and “Catholic Boy” live up to his myth. As he lists of names of his dead friends, it’s hard not to rock along with his eulogy, an incredible feat in itself. “Eddie, I miss you more than all the others. This song is for you, my brother!”
"Angelitos Negros" – Cat Power. God, Chan Marshall is talented! Another song sure to be used in a soundtrack somewhere. Full disclosure: I have no idea what this song is about as it’s sung in Spanish and I never paid attention in class. But that’s the beauty of music. You are allowed to feel, to imagine your own setting. Her voice is evocative and alluding, the music seductive. Is it a dream, or a nightmare? Like all music, it depends on the time and place you hear it.
“Dueces Wild” – Link Wray. One of the original guitar legends, Wray is an underrated master. I’d like to see the kids “Guitar Hero” to this one! Talent, pure talent.
“Another Girl, Another Planet” – The Only Ones. Predating New Wave by a few years, it’s another triumph of minimal production with maximum melody. It could be stated the punk/new wave revolution brought England out of its decade-long recession. Kids purchased music in droves during this period. Despite its reputation for nihilism, punk/new wave inspired a generation to believe they could make it. “I think I’m on another world with you.” Warren Buffett, are you taking notes?
“All I Want is You” – Barry Louis Polisar. The song which opens the film “Juno.” Folk music never gets old, especially when it’s new. Raw and immediate, innocent love is best when laid bare. This song accomplishes this without any hint of pretension. Let’s get around the campfire and sing! If you were the winter, I’d know I’d be the snow.” If you were a kiss, I know I’d be a hug.” “Hold me in your arms and swing me like the sea.” Priceless beauty, folk analogies.
“Those Were the Days” – Mary Hopkin. Produced by Paul McCartney and one of the few fruits from the Beatles’ “Apple” label, the song is more relevant now than ever. Times may be tough, but let us sing, dance and remember the good times. The song is a call to come together again. Drink, laugh and enjoy. “We’d sing and dance forever and a day. We’d live the life we choose. We’d fight and never lose.” Words to grow on.
“Something In The Air” – Thunderclap Newman. Produced by Pete Townshend in 1969 and a forgotten “one hit wonder,” it’s another song about hope during an uncertain future. There’s something about this song that just makes me want to play it again. "The revolution's here - and you know it's right."
“Kansas City Stomps” - Jelly Roll Morton. From “R. Crumb’s Heroes of Blues, Jazz and Country.” I like closing with an oldie. I just dig old jazz and ragtime. If we can’t afford to dance in the bar, let’s swing in the barn!
If you can’t afford to give much this year, give the gift of music. It’s what I grew up on, riding a rocking horse listening to my Mom’s 45’s. Part of me is still there, dropping the big turntable arm and enjoying the ride. Music captures your imagination and emotions like no other medium. A CD-R costs ten cents. Feelings are priceless. Maybe dear old Santa will find room in his sleigh for just a little musical good cheer and the 2008 “Tick” CD will find its way under your tree on Christmas morning. Music is a window to the soul. It's been a privilege over the last four years to share songs that move me. I hope you enjoy it.
Santa, can you hear me?
Can you feel me near you?
Santa, can you feel me?
Can I help to cheer you?
Santa?
Santa?
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Bailout III - Revenge of the Myth
“I don’t care about losing all the money. It’s losing all the stuff”
-Bernadette Peters (as Marie) in “The Jerk.”
Once upon a time, I went for a happy hour with a co-worker, Mike, and a friend of his whose name escapes me. His friend was from Finland (probably why I can’t remember the name) and made his living as a flower sales rep, pimping his wares to greenhouses and garden stores throughout Minnesota. He seemed to enjoy his job and definitely loved living in America. Mike had to leave early, leaving the two of us to engage in further libatious conversation. I was amazed by the Finlander’s frankness regarding American consumerism, listening to him count off all the expensive items he wanted to own. I politely asked him why he needed all these things. Giving me a confused and slightly offended look, he stated, “There are all these things out there and I just have to buy them.” Sometimes those who learned English as a second language are the ones who best utilize it.
Our government’s latest bailout, credit bank giant Citigroup, should come as no shock to those who have credit cards and enjoy the second Great American Pastime, shopping. Most of us have one credit card, perhaps several, maybe even a dozen. Full disclosure: I have three: Target, Sears and a Citicard. Check your wallets and purses, kiddies. Bet you have at least one of these, too. With the holiday spending frenzy quickly approaching, the cards will be processed more often and faster than an Alaskan turkey.
The never-ending quest for more stuff has ballooned into a true main street crisis. Many consumers possess more credit card debt than they could ever hope to pay back. Quick Adam Koeppe Simple Math: If your credit card balance is over $10,000 with an interest rate of 20 percent or more – THIS IS YOU. Some bank, such as Citigroup, is responsible for this lending and also for absorbing the outstanding balance. Even with their finances in disarray, Citi will still lend us more money so we can purchase Holiday necessities like ginormous Plasma TV’s, fake plastic rock n’ roll games and the all-new Antichrist Elmo (Elmo turns into the son of Satan with just one button – it’s so cute!). How can Citi, or any other credit bank, manage to do this even with the knowledge that some cardholders cannot pay them back? I talked to one of my trusted economic advisors, Mr. Wizard the Lizard, who transported me to the place with all the answers.
Imaginationland! Where everything is possible but nothing is real! A magical place where you can go to the mall and have it all! Lions, tigers and even man-bear-pigs, perch on the shelves, ready to fly – oh my! Your biggest wishes can come true, if you have a plastic, golden ticket ready to use. There’s no limit to what you can get: a purse, a socket set, a diamond – even your own personal jet. Trinkets, chocolates, booze or a cruise; if you sign that receipt, it’s yours to use. Don’t worry, it’s all covered under the plastic sun. Decorate your room anyway you please. Stock your refrigerator with imported Blue Cheese. The only limit is your personal desire. Roast marshmallows on a digital fire. It’s easy to keep up with the Joneses. Get a new car, a boat or even a goat. Fall asleep and dream in a bed filled with roses.
Drizzle drazzle, druzzle drome,
Time for reality to come home.
Imaginary money runs out. There is a limit to the amount of cash the banker can lend you in Monopoly. If you mortgage all your properties, you are done if you don’t make it past “Go!” Citigroup and potentially other credit lenders were unlikely to survive if they landed on “Boardwalk” or “Park Place.” Like many Americans, they became overextended. If the wizard behind the curtain has no money, he can grant no wishes. So we (taxpayers), are giving money to a credit bank so we (taxpayers), can buy more stuff we can’t afford. Welcome to Ironyland.
It’s time for us to channel our “inner Linus” and realize what life is all about. It isn’t about big trucks (even though they rock), videogames (I own hundreds), or the hottest trinket of the day (I pre-ordered it on Amazon). Life is about the things we cannot buy. Love, friendship and happiness cannot be rented. Either you have it or you don’t. Whether you have all the money in the world or not a dime to your name, if you have these things, they can never be taken away. It is a myth that we need all this extra stuff to survive. Sure, a personal plane would be awesome but nobody really needs it. If you can afford it – great. If you can’t – don’t pretend. If you can pay for sushi – eat up. If you can’t – chow at McDonalds. If that’s out of reach, there’s always cooking. People used to do it back in the Stone Age. Look around your home. What do you see that you really need? Personally, I can count four things: my kids, my wife, my friends and my memories. For a little while, let’s discard the myth of more stuff and focus on what’s real. Let’s be thankful. Let’s be brilliant. Let us all be loved.
-Bernadette Peters (as Marie) in “The Jerk.”
Once upon a time, I went for a happy hour with a co-worker, Mike, and a friend of his whose name escapes me. His friend was from Finland (probably why I can’t remember the name) and made his living as a flower sales rep, pimping his wares to greenhouses and garden stores throughout Minnesota. He seemed to enjoy his job and definitely loved living in America. Mike had to leave early, leaving the two of us to engage in further libatious conversation. I was amazed by the Finlander’s frankness regarding American consumerism, listening to him count off all the expensive items he wanted to own. I politely asked him why he needed all these things. Giving me a confused and slightly offended look, he stated, “There are all these things out there and I just have to buy them.” Sometimes those who learned English as a second language are the ones who best utilize it.
Our government’s latest bailout, credit bank giant Citigroup, should come as no shock to those who have credit cards and enjoy the second Great American Pastime, shopping. Most of us have one credit card, perhaps several, maybe even a dozen. Full disclosure: I have three: Target, Sears and a Citicard. Check your wallets and purses, kiddies. Bet you have at least one of these, too. With the holiday spending frenzy quickly approaching, the cards will be processed more often and faster than an Alaskan turkey.
The never-ending quest for more stuff has ballooned into a true main street crisis. Many consumers possess more credit card debt than they could ever hope to pay back. Quick Adam Koeppe Simple Math: If your credit card balance is over $10,000 with an interest rate of 20 percent or more – THIS IS YOU. Some bank, such as Citigroup, is responsible for this lending and also for absorbing the outstanding balance. Even with their finances in disarray, Citi will still lend us more money so we can purchase Holiday necessities like ginormous Plasma TV’s, fake plastic rock n’ roll games and the all-new Antichrist Elmo (Elmo turns into the son of Satan with just one button – it’s so cute!). How can Citi, or any other credit bank, manage to do this even with the knowledge that some cardholders cannot pay them back? I talked to one of my trusted economic advisors, Mr. Wizard the Lizard, who transported me to the place with all the answers.
Imaginationland! Where everything is possible but nothing is real! A magical place where you can go to the mall and have it all! Lions, tigers and even man-bear-pigs, perch on the shelves, ready to fly – oh my! Your biggest wishes can come true, if you have a plastic, golden ticket ready to use. There’s no limit to what you can get: a purse, a socket set, a diamond – even your own personal jet. Trinkets, chocolates, booze or a cruise; if you sign that receipt, it’s yours to use. Don’t worry, it’s all covered under the plastic sun. Decorate your room anyway you please. Stock your refrigerator with imported Blue Cheese. The only limit is your personal desire. Roast marshmallows on a digital fire. It’s easy to keep up with the Joneses. Get a new car, a boat or even a goat. Fall asleep and dream in a bed filled with roses.
Drizzle drazzle, druzzle drome,
Time for reality to come home.
Imaginary money runs out. There is a limit to the amount of cash the banker can lend you in Monopoly. If you mortgage all your properties, you are done if you don’t make it past “Go!” Citigroup and potentially other credit lenders were unlikely to survive if they landed on “Boardwalk” or “Park Place.” Like many Americans, they became overextended. If the wizard behind the curtain has no money, he can grant no wishes. So we (taxpayers), are giving money to a credit bank so we (taxpayers), can buy more stuff we can’t afford. Welcome to Ironyland.
It’s time for us to channel our “inner Linus” and realize what life is all about. It isn’t about big trucks (even though they rock), videogames (I own hundreds), or the hottest trinket of the day (I pre-ordered it on Amazon). Life is about the things we cannot buy. Love, friendship and happiness cannot be rented. Either you have it or you don’t. Whether you have all the money in the world or not a dime to your name, if you have these things, they can never be taken away. It is a myth that we need all this extra stuff to survive. Sure, a personal plane would be awesome but nobody really needs it. If you can afford it – great. If you can’t – don’t pretend. If you can pay for sushi – eat up. If you can’t – chow at McDonalds. If that’s out of reach, there’s always cooking. People used to do it back in the Stone Age. Look around your home. What do you see that you really need? Personally, I can count four things: my kids, my wife, my friends and my memories. For a little while, let’s discard the myth of more stuff and focus on what’s real. Let’s be thankful. Let’s be brilliant. Let us all be loved.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Bailout II - The Wrath of Big Auto
Big Auto. The Big Three, Ford, General Motors and Chrysler, are bona-fide American icons. Icons that inspired such devotion that it if you bought one brand, it was assumed you hated the other two. An unlicensed decal of Bill Watterson’s “Calvin” urinating on the desired automaker is a common sight on the road. Pride in the American auto industry could best be summarized in a Ford commercial starring country star Toby Keith, who sings in the usual country-rock bravado, “I’m a Ford Truck Man! That’s all I drive!” Try contrasting this with heavy-metal icons Metallica rocking to their favorite HD TV manufacturer. The difference, obviously, is one is real and the other I just made up. Despite their continual assertion that the Big Three is an icon that cannot be allowed to fail, the future is burning a different trail in the road.
Several major commercial icons failed in the latter part of the 20th century. MaBell, Joe Camel, the Hamm’s Beer Bear, the Merrill Lynch Bull and Michael Jackson. We survived, moved on and accepted change. Jobs were lost but it is understood that any good worker picks themselves up and finds another line of work. Persistence, determination and the desire to better one’s self are qualities admired in any worker - or individual. These attributes are sorely lacking in the boardrooms of the Big Three. There is an argument out there, which states, in summary, that nobody forced Americans to buy these SUVs, ramblers and other mini monster trucks. The monopoly of Big Auto gave car buyers little choice; kinda like choosing between Marlboro and Camel cigarettes or Budweiser and Miller beer. They’re basically the same but different in their logo wear and what the consumer chooses to identify with.
Big Auto wants big money and it’s a big joke. My dreaded “Adam Koeppe Simple Math” proves this. The first 25 billion dollars dolled out to Big Auto is designated for transitional purposes only. This money is to be used for research and development, plant conversion and general preparation for the public’s desire for fuel-efficient vehicles. The second bailout request, however, is for general operating expenses; the day-to-day business activities that Big Auto says they no longer can afford which could range from CEO compensation all the way down to keeping car dealerships afloat. It will take 1-3 years for most of the manufacturing plants to convert to production of different models. Until that time, Big Auto wants to use government money (our money) to produce the same vehicles Americans no longer want to buy. This money would be spent in a vicious circle, with the corporate hand landing right back on the government bank.
This second bailout request could be utilized much more efficiently. Wouldn’t it be better for the bailout money to pay autoworkers to stay home until the retooling is done? I’m proposing a fully-paid layoff for up to two years with the incentive of a tax credit for individuals who find another job. This certainly has to be more viable that operating a pet rock factory. This could help the middle class whom this affects the most and also hold Big Auto accountable for redesigning their products.
Thus far, Big Auto has said big little about how exactly they will use any of the bailout money they already have. They have offered no comprehensive plan, no timetable and generally no direction. Sound familiar? These companies have given no reason why they should be trusted with this money. Further proof of this can be found in the film “Who Killed the Electric Car?” I could spoil the story but I’ll leave that up to Ed Begley Jr.
The downfall of the Big Three has been anticipated for some time. Consider the dealership ads claiming “No money? No credit? No problem!” Actually, no money and no credit is a big problem, which has directly contributed to our current credit crisis. The dealerships policy for defaulted car loans is to call up Emilio Estevez, have the vehicle repossessed and put it back on the car lot for sale. The “Repo Man” concept only works if anybody wants to buy these vehicles. Otherwise, they’re just stocking their stores with videotapes.
Big Auto has failed to realize Americans’ purchasing preferences have changed. People are far more interested in buying a gigantic flat screen TV than a truck with a kick-ass HEMI. The tradition of a family going to a dealership to pick out a new car has eroded; a 20th century relic. More people are turning to internet sites such as Carsoup and Vehix to make their decisions. This could be the end of corporate dealerships but – so what? Small dealers will easily replace these over time. Sometimes we have to accept change, whether we like it or not.
Big Auto’s big begging represents a comprehensive failure on the administrative level and they should be held accountable. Putting tens of thousands of American workers out of work is not acceptable but neither is funding a video store. Unless the Big Three state a comprehensive restructuring plan, our tax dollars will be spent on an aging giant that refuses to modernize, preferring to watch old videos of the 1970’s car crash classic “Gone in 60 Seconds.” Maybe they’ll learn before it’s too late.
Several major commercial icons failed in the latter part of the 20th century. MaBell, Joe Camel, the Hamm’s Beer Bear, the Merrill Lynch Bull and Michael Jackson. We survived, moved on and accepted change. Jobs were lost but it is understood that any good worker picks themselves up and finds another line of work. Persistence, determination and the desire to better one’s self are qualities admired in any worker - or individual. These attributes are sorely lacking in the boardrooms of the Big Three. There is an argument out there, which states, in summary, that nobody forced Americans to buy these SUVs, ramblers and other mini monster trucks. The monopoly of Big Auto gave car buyers little choice; kinda like choosing between Marlboro and Camel cigarettes or Budweiser and Miller beer. They’re basically the same but different in their logo wear and what the consumer chooses to identify with.
Big Auto wants big money and it’s a big joke. My dreaded “Adam Koeppe Simple Math” proves this. The first 25 billion dollars dolled out to Big Auto is designated for transitional purposes only. This money is to be used for research and development, plant conversion and general preparation for the public’s desire for fuel-efficient vehicles. The second bailout request, however, is for general operating expenses; the day-to-day business activities that Big Auto says they no longer can afford which could range from CEO compensation all the way down to keeping car dealerships afloat. It will take 1-3 years for most of the manufacturing plants to convert to production of different models. Until that time, Big Auto wants to use government money (our money) to produce the same vehicles Americans no longer want to buy. This money would be spent in a vicious circle, with the corporate hand landing right back on the government bank.
This second bailout request could be utilized much more efficiently. Wouldn’t it be better for the bailout money to pay autoworkers to stay home until the retooling is done? I’m proposing a fully-paid layoff for up to two years with the incentive of a tax credit for individuals who find another job. This certainly has to be more viable that operating a pet rock factory. This could help the middle class whom this affects the most and also hold Big Auto accountable for redesigning their products.
Thus far, Big Auto has said big little about how exactly they will use any of the bailout money they already have. They have offered no comprehensive plan, no timetable and generally no direction. Sound familiar? These companies have given no reason why they should be trusted with this money. Further proof of this can be found in the film “Who Killed the Electric Car?” I could spoil the story but I’ll leave that up to Ed Begley Jr.
The downfall of the Big Three has been anticipated for some time. Consider the dealership ads claiming “No money? No credit? No problem!” Actually, no money and no credit is a big problem, which has directly contributed to our current credit crisis. The dealerships policy for defaulted car loans is to call up Emilio Estevez, have the vehicle repossessed and put it back on the car lot for sale. The “Repo Man” concept only works if anybody wants to buy these vehicles. Otherwise, they’re just stocking their stores with videotapes.
Big Auto has failed to realize Americans’ purchasing preferences have changed. People are far more interested in buying a gigantic flat screen TV than a truck with a kick-ass HEMI. The tradition of a family going to a dealership to pick out a new car has eroded; a 20th century relic. More people are turning to internet sites such as Carsoup and Vehix to make their decisions. This could be the end of corporate dealerships but – so what? Small dealers will easily replace these over time. Sometimes we have to accept change, whether we like it or not.
Big Auto’s big begging represents a comprehensive failure on the administrative level and they should be held accountable. Putting tens of thousands of American workers out of work is not acceptable but neither is funding a video store. Unless the Big Three state a comprehensive restructuring plan, our tax dollars will be spent on an aging giant that refuses to modernize, preferring to watch old videos of the 1970’s car crash classic “Gone in 60 Seconds.” Maybe they’ll learn before it’s too late.
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