Why I Believe in Santa Claus

Despite continual claims to the contrary, there is little, if any doubt among able-minded people as to what Christmas is all about. We don’t need to drag old Linus out of retirement to provide us with another reminder. Christmas is (and always will be) a Christian holiday celebrating the birth of Jesus and general goodwill toward men. However, like Charlie Brown might lament, Christmas is often disguised as a crass commercial entity in which goodwill is tossed out the window like last year’s stocking and one does the best they can to deal with relatives they only have to tolerate once a year (usually involving extra egg nog). In the midst of all the good, bad and insane aspects of Christmas, there sits a jolly rotund man dressed in red making a list and checking it twice. For some, Santa Claus can be as controversial as the phrase war between “Merry Christmas” and “Happy Holidays.” For all the joy he brings to children around the world each year, there are many who question whether people – especially the young should believe in someone who may not exist at all. Santa’s residence, the North Pole, has been the subject of intense scrutiny by scientists. Is it possible for him to stay warm up there or is Santa’s house turning into a sauna?

Though many skeptics question the believability and possible effects of telling children that an overweight, immortal man flies around the world on Christmas Eve on a reindeer-driven sleigh to deliver presents to all good boys and girls, I, for one, do not. Think for a little bit about all the preposterous ideas we thrust upon children as they grow. Kids are taught from a young age that America lives in a democracy where we elect our own leaders fair and square, by the people for the people. Numerous political controversies and scandals have shown this ideal to be nothing but a sham regardless of ideologies. The right thinks the left is corrupt and vice versa. If one was to analyze the massive amount of political polling conducted on an almost daily basis, the one solid conclusion available is nobody trusts the government. Yet we tell children and ourselves it is our right and responsibility to participate in it. I think it’s safe to say politicians will disappoint more people than Santa.

Children are also taught that they should work hard when they get a job, spend and invest their money wisely and the economic system will reward their efforts. However, many people work too hard for too little and have seen their effort at work turn into an unexpected pink slip. Money saved from week to week in hope of providing a college education for their kids and a well-earned retirement vanished quicker than Santa’s ascendance from the chimney. Despite all evidence to the contrary, we still tell our kids this is the way to go. Are we not setting them up for an avalanche of reality later in life? Though economic collapses do pass and get better, they are still as annual as the seasons of the year. Santa Claus doesn’t fire you or lose your retirement in a ponzi scheme to build a better sleigh that never flies or has any presents.

Adults idolize athletes and pass their enthusiasm unto the young by taking them to games, buying posters and sports cards and encouraging them when they join a team. Many parents love sports and athletics so much their kids will do anything to reach a common interest with them. It is sad to say but 99 percent of all kids will not grow up and become the next Brett Farve, LeBron James or Joe Mauer. Yet this idolatry is encouraged by many as it does help one’s own performance to analyze the masters of the craft. Nevertheless, injuries, cuts and disappointments happen more often than they do not. If a child believes for years that they can really “make it” only to have that dream shattered, is this not a disservice to their concept of reality? When their heroes are discovered to be less than the image believed, whose fault is it for perpetuating the fallacy? No parent wants their child to become a cheater, a drug addict, an adulterer or a criminal yet pictures of athletes guilty of these faults adorn their rooms, lockers and Facebook pages. Santa doesn’t need steroids to enhance his sleigh, all he requires is belief.

Our children love rock and roll, movies and the culture of celebrity because we love it too. Is it really possible to play your kids a Rolling Stones concert and not talk about how cool Keith Richards is? Can we watch “The Dark Knight” and not discuss the death of Heath Ledger? We watch reality shows because it is fun to watch a train wreck but do we want out kids to aspire to such greatness as getting on the cast of “The Real World” or “The Hills?” If these are integral parts of our cultural mythology, then why do we shun Santa Claus?

Santa Claus is a pretty cool cat. He never disguises who he is or what he does. He watches over the good and bad in all of us, always choosing to side with the good. On one night, he transforms the scares we have in the dark into something magical. He gives presents even if we don’t deserve them. He sticks candy in stockings despite being diabetic. Santa is a hero in a world that won’t believe anymore. Yet he is still here, this December night, making his lists. Santa Claus is still here, despite all our cynicism. He is here for those who believe not just in him, but in the belief of us towards each other. I’d rather see my kids on Santa’s lap when they’re teenagers than encourage their belief in the other, more obvious fallacies of our society. They are more fake than Santa ever was or will be. I encourage everyone to tell their children to keep believing in Santa Claus, maybe even reignite that childhood spark of wonder within you. In a society with so few heroes and role models, we need the magic of Santa now more than ever.

What I Want For Christmas Is...A Good Christmas Movie!

Why we are sucked into a holiday time warp of nostalgia

I must have been about three or four the first time I saw Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. I conscious had begun to realize what Christmas was or at least what my parents thought it was. My Mom was full of excitement that “Rudolph is on tonight!” As I sat three feet in front of the RCA cabinet television, my imagination was completely sucked into this three dimensional moving world. The story seemed to be taking place right now in front of my eyes, no doubt helped by Burl Ives’ fantastic narration. “Rudolph” was everything a great family film should be: A plucky hero (Rudolph), a trustworthy sidekick (Hermie the elf), a scary monster (the Abominable), memorable songs such as “We’re a Couple of Misfits”, a love interest (Clarice) and a genuine father/son conflict. All of this was wound into a tight-written story by the Rankin/Bass production team which, had they had the backing to extend the T.V. special into a feature film, would have been considered one of the best ever made.

I was in awe of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” and its appeal has crossed from the baby boomers that initially saw it in 1964, the me-generation 80s kids, through Generations X and Y and up to the present day of children who have yet to be categorized. 2009 will mark the 45th anniversary of “Rudolph” and its timelessness need not be debated. It is still watched by more than ten million people as is the other mainstays of Christmas specials, “A Charlie Brown Christmas” and “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” One begins to wonder why these films, almost half a century old, have an appeal to a public which seems to view all recent attempts at Christmas shows with cynicism.

If one were to make a list (and check it twice) of the truly memorable Christmas films and specials over the last thirty years, the list is shorter than Hermie’s dental career. “Christmas Eve on Sesame Street” was a humorous and heartfelt endeavor by Jim Henson which was aired in the late 70s. It is still available for viewing via YouTube and holds up quite well, particularly the “Gift of the Magi” sequences featuring Bert, Ernie and the late Mr. Hooper. 1983’s “A Christmas Story” is a classic unto itself. It is my Dad’s favorite Christmas film and I enjoy watching parts of it several times each year during the 24-hour marathon on TBS. I gave him a leg lamp for Christmas a few years ago, one of the few times he genuinely got something he liked. 1988’s “Scrooged” featured a macap – if erratic performance by Bill Murray and hilarious supporting roles for Carol Kane and Bobcat Goldthwait. 1989’s “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” may be the last of the truly great Christmas classics. Although uneven in places, Chevy Chase’s Clark Griswald channels the real spirit of Christmas in many of us. The concept of going out of your way to make the holiday special for your family and having it blow up in your face is more common to many than a strand of lights malfunctioning. 1990’s “Home Alone,” featured a premise which could have taken place at any time but Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern deliver classic comedic performances which deserve to be appreciated more than they are. All of the aforementioned films are guilty of pouring on the heart at the end. Nobody seemed to mind the clichés at the time, yet it seems ages since a similar film was greeted with a warm heart and not the cynicism currently prevalent towards Christmas films.

The question exists inside us like the internal debate about Santa Claus. Is it the world that has changed or is it we who have turned into cinematic “Scrooges?” Is it the formula which has aged unto a purgatory of Lifetime Network films or have we just lost our “inner Clark Griswold” that pushes us to make a few weeks in December just a little bit happier? Many of us agree with good old Charlie Brown: Christmas has become too commercial. It isn’t “real” anymore. We ignore the voice of Linus, choosing to revel in the parodies of Christmas. I am guilty as anyone of loving these things. From Al Bundy in “Married With Children” being shown by his guardian angel, Sam Kinison, that his family’s life would be better if he was dead, South Park’s Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo, to the ultimate endgame of Christmas films, “Bad Santa,” I laughed at them, every one. How can we reconcile the ridicule of the present with the idolization of the past? Have our hearts, like the Grinch’s, grown three sizes too small?

The answer is not in a moral or parable but in our history. “Rudolph.” “Charlie Brown,” and “The Grinch,” were not created in an era of cynicism and despair, but one of hope. The creators of these films lived through a horrible war where nations were devastated and up to 70 million people were killed. In the face of such destruction, beacons of hope were inevitable. There was a desire to make the world a better place for our children and give them the magic which had been lost upon so many as bombs dropped and servicemen knocked at the door. The themes in these aforementioned films were those of understanding one another, forgiving people for their faults and believing that magic happens if you believe in it just enough. These people were thankful that the entire planet didn’t get blown to bits. That’s a pretty hard philosophy to follow. Hopefully, we never will.

“It’s A Wonderful Life,” arguably the greatest Christmas film or special ever made, was released after the end of World War II but takes place when the outcome was seriously in doubt. The economy was faltering, bad bankers were abundant and nobody knew if their loved ones would come home. Capra’s era is not that different from our own. We’ve got bad guys our army has to fight, bad bankers which we could only hope to stop and an uncertain future if we can make it enough to provide for our loved ones. The past speaks to us because it tells us the truth. We really do want to believe despite our prevailing sarcasm. Maybe we don’t really feel the desperation of hope that Capra did, the triumph of earnestness of Charles Schultz, the redemption of Dr. Seuss and the belief in magic of Arthur Rankin and Jules Bass. We should thank the highest star on Christmas Eve that they gave it to us and that we should not need to go through it ourselves.

I urge everyone to look outside the regular Christmas tree of T.V. specials. The new ones might not be so bad. Maybe they just need a little love. Sometimes that’s all that we need. Just a little lift. A guardian angel, a spark of belief, a resilient tree or a shining red light in the darkness. Give the present as much attention as the past. Not just for yourselves, but for the future you long for and want for your children. Enjoy the new specials on Lifetime, Disney and Nickelodeon. Think of how you felt seeing Rudolph fly, Clark Griswold cry in the attic and George Bailey holding Zuzu under the tree. Maybe it does take a miracle to believe in Christmas these days but as Joel Grey sang in “The Night Before Christmas,” even a miracle needs a hand.

What's So Funny About Peace, Love and Valentine's Day?

“If you were a pill, I’d take a handful at my will
And I’d knock you back with something sweet and strong”
– Paul Westerberg (The Replacements) “Valentine”

Valentine’s Day is probably the only dualistic holiday where our society permits us to love it or loathe it. There are hundreds of lists counting the top love songs and just as many lists of anti-love longs. We can go out to dinner and a movie with that special someone or stay at home and watch slasher movies instead. Valentine’s Day is the only holiday you can protest without criticism. As much fun as preempting Thanksgiving Afternoon Bowl games for a Jason Voorhees slaughterthon might be, this may cause a slight protest from the rest of the guests. Christmas also requires a certain stereotypical behavior: go to relative’s house, eat, be nice to some people you don’t like, eat more, open up gifts, go home and pass out. Little variation is permitted these aforementioned holidays. Valentine’s Day you can pretty much do what you darn well please.

Earlier this week, I was discussing with an esteemed colleague about bring the old “inner Linus” out of retirement to combat the commercial forces driving many of us on Valentine’s Day. Although a romantic at heart, my friend despises the concept that we are supposed to spend a day’s wages to prove to our significant other we care about them. Dozen roses: check. Decent bottle of wine (no Boone’s Farm!): check. Box of chocolates with multi-colored mystery fillings: check. Overpriced dinner at a restaurant where the special is more than likely something you can cook yourself: check. Obligatory Hallmark card: check. Expensive gift given because you will be in the doghouse if you don’t buy one: check. Checkbook with no money to write checks: check. It’s easy to see why anyone’s “inner Linus” is clinging to their security blanket for protection. Valentine’s Day can definitely have a smackdown with Halloween as our most commercial holiday.

I decided to leave the “inner Linus” alone after seeing a handful of people going home today with Valentine’s cards and flowers. I realized many people use Valentine’s Day as one of the few occasions to express overt affection for their loved ones. It was heartwarming in a Capra-esque way to see an older gentleman waiting in line to purchase a card. Many relationships don’t last a year, let alone a decade or five. Although somewhat ritualistic, those who give a Valentine gift someone after being with them for so long is a celebration of affection, commitment, and one that is sadly diminishing. It’s great imagining a box in this older couple’s house containing all the Valentine’s cards they’ve given over the years, which is a great reminder to their children and grandchildren of a couple’s eternal love for each other.

A few years ago, I was going through a box of my Grandma’s pictures. I’d pull one out and she would conjure a memory vivid enough to have happened yesterday. I eventually came across a letter my late grandfather wrote to her before they were married. Written during the Great Depression when jobs were scarce, he had moved away from her in hopes of earning enough money to come back, marry her and start a family. Needless to say, he did. I’d like to think this type of devotion exists within many of us today. A willingness to sacrifice short-term fulfillment to build the foundation for a lifetime of memories. The concept of buying a manufactured home in a cookie-cutter development with a quaint front yard and children playing in the street may seem a little silly to us, but for a generation that lost nearly everything, it represented hope of a better life. If flowers, a card or a steak dinner helps anyone remember what’s really important in life, by all means, do it.

That said, if you are stressing yourself worrying about Valentine’s Day, hoping the florist will still have fresh roses at noon, the restaurant won’t be too crowded or if your new dress won’t impress, take a step back. This ain’t what love is about at all, Carrie Bradshaw. It’s about enjoying the moment when you realize a feeling is more than emotion but rather an infection. It’s about looking each other in the eye of a new morning and just saying “hi.” It’s about silence that is intimate, rather than uncomfortable. It’s about listening, understanding and cuddling. If you’re fretting about going out, stay home. Send the kids to Grandma’s house. Get to know each other better. Instead of dancing to a band, enjoy the movement of your eyes when they gaze into your lover. Make some popcorn, have a food fight and remind yourselves that you’re still two goofy kids on a first date.

Like Christmas, Valentine’s Day can also be a day of sadness, a reminder of those we’ve lost or wish to be closer to our hearts. It’s hard to be alone or feeling lost when so many are celebrating the enigmatic concept of love. This is probably why slasher flicks are so popular this time of year. I’d like to think most of us aren’t out in the woods, waiting for a rescue that will never come, but sitting in the still place inside ourselves where the candle never burns out. For all those wishing to be closer to someone somewhere, please find happiness in the dreams and fantasies that sometimes do become reality if your faith is strong and belief is true. Sometimes love is closer than you think. Be it dharma or karma, the world has a way of working things out. Love is indeed a many splendored thing. It is the tender trap and also a bitch. It is also what keeps us going and keeps us believing that there is someone out there beneath the shining stars that feels the same as you do. Make a wish and keep your light burning. Sometimes reality is just a dream away. May it come true, as each and every one of us have a place and a time. A time to dance with the stars and sleep with angels, for tomorrow is making Valentines.

Why I Love The Super Bowl!

I’m not the biggest football fan. Those who know me pretty well can verify that on any given Sunday, I’m lucky to be able to name twenty active NFL players (including Brett Favre – even my 90-year old grandma knows who he is). I do catch about five or six games a year and understand the game well, I just prefer baseball. However, I caught maybe 1 ½ games of the World Series (literally – I watched the infamous rain game) but I never miss the Super Bowl. Admittedly, I can’t even name any of the players involved except the quarterbacks (David Lee Roth and Werner Herzog, if memory serves). But as many of you know, the Super Bowl is more than just a game: it’s America’s Christmas.

The Super Bowl is better than Christmas in so many ways. You don’t have to bust your butt in the kitchen for days on end baking cookies, decorating a tree and fixing a gigantic turkey or pig. Super Bowl parties tend to be filled with burgers, brats and beer. Bags of chips, veggies and baked beans surround the buffet table, ready for mass consumption. Nobody dresses up for the Super Bowl. In fact, people tend to dress in clothes that can easily absorb the myriad of ketchup, beer and bean spillage. No one cares if you make a mess – it’s the Super Bowl! Making a mess of yourself, mentally and physically is a time-honored tradition (possibly invented by Joe Namath in 1969). The Super Bowl party tends to be better than the game itself. If the Pittsburgh Steelers are up by 24 points or more in the second quarter tomorrow, who’s actually going to watch the rest? Super Bowl parties are like the family Christmases we want to have. You don’t have to invite your snotty in-laws or your backwards cousins, just those who you really want to spend this magic time with that only comes once a year. The Super Bowl is Christmas without all the b.s. At least no one is depressed before the game

I think it’s great so many people watch the Super Bowl who don’t understand football. Half the fun is listening to haphazard commentary resembling John Madden attempting to describe a dance recital. Take it easy on those people; it’s all in good fun. If their inept interjections become too much to bear, offer them another brewski, maybe two or three. Who knows? You might be treated to an extra half-time show. It’s hard to tell who possesses an "inner Janet Jackson". Superbowl Sunday is a great time to find out.

The Super Bowl half-time show is a time honored tradition of spectacle and this year will prove no exception. Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band are performing. The Boss has never turned in a sub-par performance in his 35-plus years as a musician. There is intense speculation surrounding his potential song selection, so much in fact, sports pundits have given odds on several songs. As a die-hard Springsteen fan, I’ll offer my picks and odds of the particular songs being played. “Born In the U.S.A”: 5-1. An 80’s anthem grossly misinterpreted by Ronald Reagan, the song is guaranteed to make a certain Alaskan governor pump her fist. “Darkness on the Edge of Town” and “Atlantic City”: 15-1. Springsteen wrote many songs over his career describing the evaporation of the middle class, eliminated jobs and the downtrodden. It would not surprise me to hear one of these songs, but still a longshot. “Glory Days”: 8-1. It would be pretty cheesy to play it, but the Boss does know his audience. “Brilliant Disguise”: 50-1. Nobody wants to be reminded their relationship is failing, especially on Super Bowl Sunday. “Candy’s Room”: 500-1. It’s my favorite Springsteen song and I’d love to hear it. My “inner Linus” has faith. “My Lucky Day”: 3-1. It’s his new song and Bruce always has faith in his new material. Justifiably so, the song is a joyful pop masterpiece from an artist who has earned the right to proclaim his happiness to the world. “Born to Run”: 1-1. As a great mentor of mine would say: “Well, duh!” Contact your bookies, true believers. My predictions are known far and wide to be accurate. Incidentally, for those looking for the inside edge on the actual game, my prediction: Steelers over Cardinals, 35-17.

The ads during the Super Bowl are also a highly anticipated part of our American Christmas. What’s more American than gluing yourself to the T.V. to watch a commercial? This year’s batch of ads are especially intriguing, given our current economic climate. I’m very curious to see if we’ve paid for any of these commercials. Trust me, if Citigroup is stupid enough to attempt to purchase a corporate jet with our tax dollars, they’ll probably be dumb enough to advertise tomorrow. I’m pleased to note General Motors has announced they will not be buying ad time, which puts me in the ironic position of giving them kudos for not doing anything. That said, I’ll offer my predictions of celebrity appearances in tomorrow’s commercials, which is all that anyone cares about anyway. Justin Timberlake: 4-1. Joe “The Plumber”: 25-1. William Shatner: 6-1. Barack Obama: 3-1. Joan Rivers: 1,000,000 -1.

The Super Bowl is the one holiday that is truly American. We should relish the time we have to party with our friends and family, even if it is just once a year. As the game progresses, make sure you give a “high five” to those who’ve spent the time providing the gorgeous feast, washing all the dishes and throwing all those empty beers in the garbage. They make the party happen so the rest of you can enjoy the big game. Let them know you appreciate it. Make sure you provide an extra bed or a safe ride for those who began the party at 10 A.M. Good teammates have each others’ back. Show good sportsmanship and shake hands or give a hug to those who lost the game, an argument or their senses. In a time of uncertainty, we should cherish those around us; remember their smiles and pumping fists. Friendship itself is a trophy, a victory over despondence. Hold it high and celebrate! Let’s show the world what America is really made of.

All I Want For Christmas Is...(Part Four)

I’ve never sent a Christmas card. Not a single one. They always seemed too superficial to me. My “inner Linus” always just said no. I could never send out something generic nor did I have the time to personalize a card to every person I cared about. I’ve tried a handful of times, but there was never time enough to express how I felt. About six years ago, I was living in a town I didn’t like and in a relationship that was disintegrating into dust. I was out of work and with little to no prospects of finding any. During this time, I wrote a Christmas card. It wasn’t Hallmark material but it expressed more emotion than I saw in a sentimental shoebox greeting. The following is the unedited contents of this piece. If you never get a Christmas card from me, this is the best I can do to suffice:

So it is Christmas – the birth of catharsis.
I have nothing in my house that reeks of holiday cheer
Except a Wal-Mart ad, the cold Minnesota air
And isolated Christmas cards scattered upon the living room floor.

Everything I see on TV tells me Christmas is here
Yet there’s so little cheer
For the hungry, homeless and lonely
The oppressed, suppressed and depressed.
Everybody needs more candy.
I still want a hula-hoop.

A million and a half people live on the streets in America.
I want to meet all of them.
Tell them “Happy Christmas”
Let them laugh and play
Use their imagination
Feel the sensation of a world filled with love.
God knows I want to be there.

To those who are sad,
I wish you laughter.
To those who are drunk
Raise a toast to the ones you cherish.
Or if you don’t have any, raise your glass with me
For I will drink with you.

Those whom I’ve had a mere acquaintance
A handshake or a passing, pleasant stare
Forgotten thoughts or letters
Friendships forsaken or a shattered romance
Know that my dreams are often filled with you.

To the leaders whose hands
Hold the weight of the world
Remember the children beneath the Christmas tree.
Hold your uneven hands from pressing the button
Embrace your enemy for they are your brother.

My hair grows gray – strays away
Floating into the haze of the past.
No-one was dead and I had yet to fall in love.
As a child – holiday’s baby
It is a special time.
Christmas is everything.
Grandpa sitting in his chair, smoking a pipe
Grandma in the kitchen, baking the turkey just right.
Dad’s dancing with history and Granddad’s theory.
Mom sits on the couch with a glowing smile and
Aspirations of basking beneath the light
Of a shiny Christmas star.

Santa came down the chimney
Fresh cookies lying on the dinner table
Presents surrounding the Christmas tree
Underneath an angel’s light.
Pea salad, oyster stew and green bean casserole
Clichés now but then it was new.

After you tuck your children in their beds
Before you step inside the sheets
Hang your stockings and your heads high.
Make your fireplaces shine bright
Be in love with life
For it’s Christmas time!

All I Want For Christmas Is...(Part Two)

With the economy riding on a rollercoaster designed by Crazy Harry, it’s hard to celebrate Christmas if there is little to give besides peace on earth and goodwill to men. Santa’s riding his sleigh filled with eight tiny bailouts, but no concrete relief for those waiting by the chimney. But fear not, true believers! I’ve got the perfect gift – one that keeps on giving. It’s that time of year again! Time for the fourth annual Adam Koeppe Christmas music compilation! Known by many as the “Tick” CD’s, it’s a mix of all the songs that I’ve liked throughout the year. I’ve downsized to one disc this year as I just didn’t have the time to listen to as much as I’d like (see kids, life). I hope quality makes up for quantity. I guess that’s for the listener to judge. Available for pick-up this Saturday at “Friend Christmas” in Waverly, Minnesota, I hope everyone enjoys the tunes. I’ve decided to provide liner notes this year and links to the songs if they are available. Most of the links are videos, please give them a look. If you are not attending “Friend Christmas” and would like a copy, let me know. I’ll gladly send you one. I can’t accept any money or I will surely violate the ancient “fair use” laws, which are violated every second on You Tube. That said, I’ll gladly give you a piece of my 2008 musical muse.


“To the Taxmobile” by Lenlow. A phenomenal mash-up sent to me by Ucis. Combining the old “Batman” theme, “Taxman” by the Beatles and “Wipeout” by the Surfaris, “Taxmobile” succeeds in celebrating all three songs without diluting any of their punch. A true underground classic, the best song I’ve heard all year and a great intro track.

“Hop a Plane” by Tegan and Sara. By far the best song off their CD “The Con”, “Hop a Plane” is one of those two-minute pop songs that just sticks in your brain and makes you push repeat over and over. Also proof uber-production is overrated. Simplistic, complex and melodic; the happiest and saddest song of the year. “All I want to hear is that you’re not mine.”

“Lie Down Here and Be My Girl” – Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. From the album “Dig! Lazarus! Dig!,” Cave delivers his best song in years and one of the few that is upbeat in tempo. Cave’s lyrics and voice still exude menace, showing he has no intent on slowing down after almost thirty years of making music. Is it really that long? Geez, I’m old!

“Reflections” – The Chambers Brothers. Considered a “one-hit wonder” with the song “Time Has Come Today”, this 1974 release from the album “Unbonded” is a cover of the Supremes classic. Amazing, soulful vocals make this cover an undiscovered classic. An album truly worth seeking out and an artist that needs more credit.

“Everybody Wants to Rule the World” – Patti Smith. From the album “12.” A cover of the 80’s Tears For Fears classic, Smith removes the synthesizers and uses a traditional five-piece band. Emphasizing lyrics over style, Smith strips the song bare with her rendition yet still maintains the melody of the original. Atmospheric and prophetic, “Everybody” is a song waiting to be recognized as a 20th Century standard. “I can’t stand this indecision, buried with a lack of vision.” ‘Nuff said.

“Swinging on a Star” – The Four Freshmen. Combining the harmonies of the Freshmen with a cartoon voice I can’t place, the song takes me back to the soda fountain days of the forties and fifties. Who doesn’t want to “carry moonbeams home in a jar?” Grab your date and dance!

“Lullaby for the Taken” – Kimya Dawson. Dawson’s poetic lyrics are humorous and sad. Gaining interest from the use of her songs in the film, “Juno”, all of her albums are great and worth owning. Another great case against uber-production. Sometimes all you need is a four track and inspiration. “Always remember I love you.” Timeless, yet heartfelt.

“Give Him a Great Big Kiss” – The Shangri-Las. “When I say I’m in love you best believe I’m in love-LUV.” One of the best opening lines – period. On a par with the classic “Leader of the Pack” and produced by the late Shadow Morton, this upbeat ditty uses the similar “call and response” motif in “Leader of the Pack”. Sexy before sexy was common, this song was covered by the New York Dolls in the 1970’s. Please check out the video link - it rocks!


“Classic Cars” – Bright Eyes. Conor Oberst may have his critics (my wife included) but his cult following is vindicated in a song that could stand alongside anything in Bruce Springsteen’s or Tom Petty’s canon. A great ballad in an era with few, it reeks of a black and white film sequence filled with angst and lost love. “The best county singers die in the back of classic cars.”

“48 Crash” – Suzi Quatro. Why isn’t the queen of Glam mentioned in the company of Patti Smith, Joan Jett and Liz Phair? An undiscovered play on the bar jukebox and one of the first real jolts of “girl power.” Your record collection needs Suzi Quatro. However, if this song is covered by Pink, I will vomit instantaneously.

“Hazy Shade of Winter” – The Bangles. Speaking of “girl power”, how about topping Paul Simon? The Simon and Garfunkel original never sounded right. They just never were able to quite rock, not even with “Mrs. Robinson.” The Bangles captured the immediacy of Simon’s lyrics while giving the melody the punch it needed. Sadly, The Bangles never attempted anything as ambitious again. The song is from the out of print soundtrack for “Less Than Zero”, which starred Robert Downey Jr. as an out of control drug addict. Sometimes, things come full circle. Downey is one of the biggest stars on the planet and we are definitely in a “Hazy Shade of Winter.”

“Losing Streak” – The Eels. Ironically, a song I like for its production. I’m a sucker for a piano lick, especially a happy one juxtaposed with the title. I love songs discovered by accident. They put a bounce in your day, like a ten-dollar bill showing up in your jeans. It makes your day brighter.

“People Who Died” – Jim Carroll. The poet turned punk singer whose story was chronicled in “The Basketball Diaries,” only this song and “Catholic Boy” live up to his myth. As he lists of names of his dead friends, it’s hard not to rock along with his eulogy, an incredible feat in itself. “Eddie, I miss you more than all the others. This song is for you, my brother!”

"Angelitos Negros" – Cat Power. God, Chan Marshall is talented! Another song sure to be used in a soundtrack somewhere. Full disclosure: I have no idea what this song is about as it’s sung in Spanish and I never paid attention in class. But that’s the beauty of music. You are allowed to feel, to imagine your own setting. Her voice is evocative and alluding, the music seductive. Is it a dream, or a nightmare? Like all music, it depends on the time and place you hear it.

“Dueces Wild” – Link Wray. One of the original guitar legends, Wray is an underrated master. I’d like to see the kids “Guitar Hero” to this one! Talent, pure talent.

“Another Girl, Another Planet” – The Only Ones. Predating New Wave by a few years, it’s another triumph of minimal production with maximum melody. It could be stated the punk/new wave revolution brought England out of its decade-long recession. Kids purchased music in droves during this period. Despite its reputation for nihilism, punk/new wave inspired a generation to believe they could make it. “I think I’m on another world with you.” Warren Buffett, are you taking notes?

“All I Want is You” – Barry Louis Polisar. The song which opens the film “Juno.” Folk music never gets old, especially when it’s new. Raw and immediate, innocent love is best when laid bare. This song accomplishes this without any hint of pretension. Let’s get around the campfire and sing! If you were the winter, I’d know I’d be the snow.” If you were a kiss, I know I’d be a hug.” “Hold me in your arms and swing me like the sea.” Priceless beauty, folk analogies.

“Those Were the Days” – Mary Hopkin. Produced by Paul McCartney and one of the few fruits from the Beatles’ “Apple” label, the song is more relevant now than ever. Times may be tough, but let us sing, dance and remember the good times. The song is a call to come together again. Drink, laugh and enjoy. “We’d sing and dance forever and a day. We’d live the life we choose. We’d fight and never lose.” Words to grow on.

“Something In The Air” – Thunderclap Newman. Produced by Pete Townshend in 1969 and a forgotten “one hit wonder,” it’s another song about hope during an uncertain future. There’s something about this song that just makes me want to play it again. "The revolution's here - and you know it's right."

“Kansas City Stomps” - Jelly Roll Morton. From “R. Crumb’s Heroes of Blues, Jazz and Country.” I like closing with an oldie. I just dig old jazz and ragtime. If we can’t afford to dance in the bar, let’s swing in the barn!

If you can’t afford to give much this year, give the gift of music. It’s what I grew up on, riding a rocking horse listening to my Mom’s 45’s. Part of me is still there, dropping the big turntable arm and enjoying the ride. Music captures your imagination and emotions like no other medium. A CD-R costs ten cents. Feelings are priceless. Maybe dear old Santa will find room in his sleigh for just a little musical good cheer and the 2008 “Tick” CD will find its way under your tree on Christmas morning. Music is a window to the soul. It's been a privilege over the last four years to share songs that move me. I hope you enjoy it.

Santa, can you hear me?

Can you feel me near you?

Santa, can you feel me?

Can I help to cheer you?

Santa?

Santa?

All I Want For Christmas Is...(Part One)

With our economy struggling to find its feet in a manner resembling Keith Richards after a three-day bender, it’s hard to make a Christmas Wish List this year when so many can afford so little. However, being a kid at heart, I’ve decided to dream big and write about some of the cool stuff out there in hopes that Santa may find it in his jolly old heart to bring me a present on Christmas Eve. There’s been one thing on my mind more than anything else. It’s the hottest holiday item. It’s inspiring, durable and fun for the whole family. It’s not the Wii, a DVD or Osama Bin Elmo (it’s real, I tell you. I’ve seen it!). Change has come this Christmas and the product is Barack Obama.

When I voted for Barack Obama, I guess I thought he was pretty cool – at least cooler than John McCain. Any political expert will tell you only cool people can become president (see Kerry, Gore). Obama may be cool, but I never envisioned buying a color ceramic plate with his picture on it to place next to my Killer Klown action figure. Commemorative coins, I expected. After all, they’re a dime a dozen. T-shirts, comics, napkins and undergarments weren’t a big surprise. But a plate? One I’m not supposed to eat off? I’ve been subjected to this inane Barack Obama plate ad for a few weeks now and I’m starting to think buying the doll that wets herself is a better gift. The ad features a clean-cut, generic white guy composing a one-page letter while glancing periodically at the Obama plate for inspiration. I was amazed. I didn’t know people still wrote letters! And preplanned their content to exactly one page!

Sure, Obama is cool, inspiring and other positive adjectives, but I can’t imagine placing his image next to my “London Calling” poster, my 1/8 scale model of “The Homer” or my autographed picture of “Potsie” from “Happy Days.” Plates and coins just don’t inspire me. Being a continual consumer of pop culture memorabilia, I started to search for the right Obama product for my collection. One that could hold its own against Doctor Who, Flaming Carrot and James Dean. An item cool enough to stand next to Cerebus, William Burroughs and Frank the Bunny. I couldn’t find a single thing. Sorry, CafePress, the Obama undies just didn’t jive. Disappointed but still determined, I made a list of Barack Obama merchandise “cool” enough to reside in my house. Hopefully those hard working elves in Santa’s Toy Shop are reading this and make one of the following items before they run out of funding.

Barack Obama – The Video Game. A surefire bestseller, players would assume the role of Harvard Law School Grad Obama, who begins his political career in an impoverished Chicago community. Similar to the XBOX franchise “Fable”, every choice you make as Obama affects the game’s story and outcome. What alliances will you form? What church will you choose to attend? Players face several major confrontations using a unique word interface. Obama has a set amount of time to make one of his historic speeches. Choose the right words quickly and political prominence is yours. Struggling in your task results in too many “uhhhs”, “ummms” and “you knows”, leaving followers unconvinced. Will you inspire the audience at the 2004 Democratic National Convention? Will you tell citizens of Pennsylvania to cling to their guns and religion? Can you fend off rivals Hillary Clinton and John McCain? Can you withstand interviews with Bill O’Reilly and Ellen DeGeneres? Choose your words wisely. The fate of “change" is in your hands.

Barack Obama – The Breakfast Cereal. “Barry-O’s!” Fortified with vitamins and minerals, “Barry-O’s” will get you ready for the change every new day brings. “Barry-O’s” brings all the flavors together. Imagine honey, marshmallows, strawberries, chocolate, blueberries, peanut butter, frosted shredded wheat, bananas, yogurt, oatmeal and tofu all in a wholesome whole-wheat cereal. After one bowl, you, too, can say, “Yes, we can!”

Barack Obama – The Lego Playset. “Lego Obama” will be a hit with kids of all ages. You can build and recreate exciting moments from the Democratic National Convention, the 2008 debates and election night in Chicago’s Grant Park. With additional sets, you can expand the world of “Lego Obama.” Look for the “press conference set,” the “Joe the Plumber” street scene, and even the White House! Be on the lookout for the ultra-rare “Pundit Playset” featuring Lego versions of John Stewart, Wolf Blitzer, Sean Hannity, Pat Buchanan and Rachel Maddow. Jim Pinkerton and Arianna Huffington available in random sets.

Barack Obama – The Alcoholic Beverage. “Bama Beer” will change your perception of libation. A beer with nine percent alcoholic content and made with whole-wheat hops, “Bama Beer” will get you closer to your dreams with every sip. Possessing the smoothness of its namesake and the flavor of his words, “Bama Beer” will truly let you feel that change is coming. Just a few pints will inspire faith and hope. Worried about the economy? Drink “Bama Beer!”

Barack Obama – The Vacuum Cleaner. Clean your house while Obama cleans up Washington!

Barack Obama – The Wrench Set. Need to get your hands on change? Available for pre-order at Sears.

Barack Obama – The Laundry Detergent. “Bride!” Tired of dirty politics and dirty clothes? Change comes with just one scoop!

Barack Obama – The Air Freshener. Smell the change!

Barack Obama – The Soup. Change in a can! 100 percent recyclable.

Barack Obama – The Bleu Cheese Dressing.

Barack Obama – The Ketchup/Mustard/Relish spread.

If we can afford change, then we can deal with change. That’s the Obama I want for Christmas. One that is more than just an image, but an actual President who will work day and night to get the American people out of these dismal times and pull us out of “Lego Land” and back into the real world. The choice is his. His fate is ours.

Santa? Santa?

Santa, can you hear me?

The 2008 Christmas Video Game Buying Guide!

The First Annual Christmas Video Game Buying Guide
(Why we have to suck it up and buy “Mario”)

It’s no super secret video games are expensive. At an average of fifty dollars a game, there is little wonder most parents are reluctant to part with their Santa savings on something they may know little about. Even those of us (myself included) who grew up staring into the arcade abyss cannot claim to have thorough knowledge of the genre (I grew up and had kids – it happens). I still find time to waste a few hours a week on a handful of top titles. I’ll race anyone on MarioKart Wii and completed Burnout Revenge a few months ago. Other than playing games which appeal to my kids, I’ve little knowledge of the outside gaming world of stripper-shooting-pimp-gangstas, futuristic war chiefs or chainsaw-wielding anti-heroes. Although I’ve bought a few of these games, I rarely find time to play them (kids, writing, life, the universe, etc). Like most parents, I don’t think my 11-year-old; my 3-year-old or my 21-month old is quite ready for "Grand Theft Auto" or "Gears of War." Why is it if so many parents do not want these games in their homes, kids as young as 7 demand them from St. Nick? It can’t be rebellion (little young). A desire to conform and belong? Maybe, but kids are independent these days. The best answer, I’m afraid, is as plain as the plastic machine gun sticking out of Santa’s bag of toys: the games are good.

Kid-focused games (rated E for Everyone for those keeping score) have been getting a bad wrap for quite some time – and with good reason. With the notable exception of Nintendo’s “Mario” franchise, they stink. Go ahead, parents, ask your kids. They’ll even spell it out for you: S-T-I-N-K. They’re lame, they blow chunks, and they’re just not that fun. This shoddiness has been known for some time (like 20 years) but most parents, even those who are still gamers, try to ignore it. We’d like to think our kids would enjoy jumping around as Curious George as much as we enjoy decapitating zombies in "Resident Evil" but they don’t. In fact, the “Curious George” video game epitomizes the majority of flaws in children’s titles.

In designing a kid’s video game, the software company has two principal goals in mind: recognizability/marketing ability and affordability/profitability. Software companies want to license characters that are recognizable to kids, making the titles easy sells for stores like Wal-Mart and Target. Kids (and parents) are more likely to buy something they know than something they don’t. This is why there are eight million products featuring Elmo and about three with Eloise, Olivia or Babar. Currently, there are games starring characters from the movies “Cars, “Madagascar” and “Wall-E” on the shelves. The basic reasoning for these tie-ins is that if the movies are fun, then the games must be fun also. I bought “Cars” for my son and me because the film was his favorite for the last year. We played it for approximately two hours. I would have played it longer but driving aimlessly around the virtual Radiator Springs left me needing a mental tune-up. I purchased “Curious George” for similar reasons and quit playing it after I couldn’t guide poor George out of a construction site I had no idea why he was in to begin with.

I also bought “Cars” and “Curious George” because they were cheap. There’s quite a few $19.99 “budget” kids titles on the Target shelves. They all start at $49.99 (the Mario price) but within two months, they’ve been discounted. Software companies take this pricing into account when they develop their games, spending significantly less on game design and testing, choosing to focus their energies on long-range titles like Grand Theft Auto and Halo. If you’ve ever asked yourself why many of these games make little sense and are hard to play, this is your chance to level up. Usually the first two levels of the kids’ games are fun and then the misery begins. The first levels are known in the industry as “demo” levels, designed to appeal to electronics buyers at Wal-Mart and Target. Usually the buyer will only get those stages and will be asked to make a bulk purchasing decision based upon them.

The first level for “Cars” is a race and a fun one. Lightning McQueen is easy to control and driving in the race would appeal to kids and adults who like racing games like the NASCAR series. It is after this race, that the player wants to drive McQueen off the cliff and hopes Mater is too busy harassing combines to find him. Similarly, “Curious George” begins with an appealing level in the jungle designed to highlight George’s abilities. The player jumps, climbs and swings his way in pursuit of the Man with the Yellow Hat. After this, however, George is inexplicably placed in locations such as a marketplace rooftop and the previously mentioned construction site and cannot perform half of the abilities showcased in the first level. Can you spell “lame”, George?

Software companies bank on the idea that economically conscious parents might not care how fun a game is if it’s cheap. It is twice as affordable as “Mario” and five times cheaper than the popular rhythm game, “Guitar Hero.” After all, if kids tell Mom and Dad they want “Wall-E” for Christmas, why not get it for them if it’s cheap? Incidentally, “Wall-E” is supposed to be worse than “Cars” or “George.” Most of us can remember a time when us or our children wanted a toy so bad, got it for Christmas and put it down soon after, never to be played with again, exiled to the infamous Island of Misfit Toys. The big problem with video games is the companies know this is going to happen. Kids games (with the exception of “Mario”) are rarely tested by companies for playability and overall “fun factor” in the same fashion as titles like “Grand Theft Auto.”

Testing is conducted by all software companies to ensure games play as their designers intended (no “glitches”) and to guarantee players do not become too frustrated for the wrong reasons such as wondering around aimlessly for hours looking for something they can’t see (like a gray door on a gray wall). Testing is performed extensively on titles like “Grand Theft Auto” because the company expects the game to sell millions of copies. Every aspect of the game has to work perfectly or the game (and possibly the franchise) will tank, costing the company millions of dollars. Sales of the “Grand Theft Auto”, “Halo” and “Gears of War” franchises eclipse 20 million whereas sales of “Curious George” might not even clear 50 thousand. Sadly, most software companies just don’t care about releasing quality kids’ games and do not allocate the same time to test the games in the same fashion as the best sellers. Their desire is to merely move product into a specific demographic without attempting to appeal to a broader audience. This lack of vision for the “everyone” market has resulted in a negative perception regarding most of these titles (kinda like Big Auto).

Parents do have viable alternatives, but they are not bargains. Nintendo’s “Mario” franchise, mentioned earlier, can always be counted on for hours of family fun. For the past 25 years, Nintendo has kept close watch on the quality of its games. The racing game, “Mario Kart Wii”, may look “cartooney”, but its physics and playability make it the best racing title available on any system. Players can even go online and challenge someone anywhere in the world. “Super Smash Brothers” appeals to button-mashers everywhere. A fighting game with no violence or gore, even the youngest players (such as my son, Shane), can pick it up immediately and have hours of fun. This game is also perfect for parents who hate playing games but are egged on to play with their kids. Little learning, lots of enjoyment. Nintendo’s current “flagship” title, “Super Mario Galaxy”, succeeds where games like “Cars” and “Curious George” fail. The controls are easy to learn, the storyline plausible and is challenging but not headache inducing. It is by far the best game available this year. However, these games are not cheap, sitting at that fifty-dollar price level with little hope of downward movement. That’s ok. With these games, you will get what you pay for: happy children around the T.V. while parents relax in an easy chair, sipping Christmas Eggnog.